Ever since my accident I have been totally unmotivated to create new pieces. I have also struggled with writing new posts. I guess the accident kind of turned my world upside down, literally and figuratively. I’ve read some really great posts by bloggers I follow, which make me want to write, to express myself, to put something out there that means something! That is a lot of pressure I put on myself, and it weighs me down, keeping me from actually creating. As I sit here typing I have no idea where this post is going, but I need to keep writing.
I read a short but sweet post by Laxman Prajapati called The Best Friendship earlier today and it got me thinking. He speaks of “forever friends” and how beautiful those relationships are. I agree with him on that, and I started thinking about the people I thought were forever friends – but they actually were not, those who hit the road when the going got tough.
I have struggled with friendships most of my life, I was a very sensitive little girl and was picked on a great deal from third grade through high school. I was desperate to be liked by my peers, I yearned for that closeness that girls can have with one another, someone to share secrets and laughter with. I’m not saying I never had friends, I did; though typically few and sometimes far between. I always felt different from everyone but I didn’t know why or understand why I was so emotional. It wasn’t until my senior year of high school that things got so bad I told my parents I needed help. And then I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder. So finally I knew what was different about me and I realized I always had this disease and it did make me act (or react) differently to things than my peers. Knowing was not the answer though, I was still struggling tremendously internally.
I took things people would say or do far too personally and I would react dramatically, making it much more difficult to maintain friendships. High school was mostly awful, even though my photo albums would make one think otherwise. Of course I put happy, smiling pictures in my photo albums, who takes pictures of the bad times? I had one friend from high school in particular that I thought was my forever friend. We were there for each other through break-ups, frenemies, her parents divorce, we went on vacations together, admitted our deepest and darkest secrets to each other, and had personal jokes nobody else understood. Even when I went far away for college we remained close through the internet and chatting on the phone, always re-uniting on holiday breaks. It wasn’t until after college graduation, and my moving home, that things took a turn for the worse. I was the most depressed I have ever been in my life, terminally sad and hopeless. I guess I leaned on her too much, she called me one day and told me she could no longer be there for me, that my depression was too much. Talk about a slap to the face! This is exactly what I was referring to when I said people hit the road when the going gets tough. I understand I was difficult to be friends with at that time, I was so lost inside my head, but her and I had been through so much. This wasn’t my first episode of major depression (though it was the worst) and she had been there through all of the ups and downs before. I still mourn the loss of that friendship, or what I thought it was anyway.
Most of the “friends” I had from high school or college drifted (or ran full speed) away from me during that time in my life. I had to learn time and time again that no matter how many times someone says they will be there forever, it is rarely true. So, if you really do have a forever friend be sure to nurture the relationship and cherish it!
There is one friend in my life who has been there and stood by me since we were 15 years old. I celebrated her in my post A Tribute, which highlights how freakin amazing she is! Here is a little blurb from that post:
“Jackie has taught me many important lessons, most importantly, what true friendship means. It means you never give up on one another. You encourage, inspire and support each other in all endeavors. You get into petty fights, and some not-so-petty fights, yet always get past them. You laugh together, often; and you cry together, no matter how often that may be. You are brutally honest, because even when it hurts, honesty IS the best policy. Nothing is off-limits for discussion, nothing. And, you always know in your heart, even when nobody seems to understand what you’re going through, that someone loves you and will listen to you.”
THAT is a forever friend.
I hope you all had a beautiful weekend! I’d love to hear your thoughts on forever friends!