Forever Friends

Ever since my accident I have been totally unmotivated to create new pieces.  I have also struggled with writing new posts.  I guess the accident kind of turned my world upside down, literally and figuratively.  I’ve read some really great posts by bloggers I follow, which make me want to write, to express myself, to put something out there that means something!  That is a lot of pressure I put on myself, and it weighs me down, keeping me from actually creating.  As I sit here typing I have no idea where this post is going, but I need to keep writing.

I read a short but sweet post by Laxman Prajapati called The Best Friendship earlier today and it got me thinking.  He speaks of “forever friends” and how beautiful those relationships are.  I agree with him on that, and I started thinking about the people I thought were forever friends – but they actually were not, those who hit the road when the going got tough.  

I have struggled with friendships most of my life, I was a very sensitive little girl and was picked on a great deal from third grade through high school.  I was desperate to be liked by my peers, I yearned for that closeness that girls can have with one another, someone to share secrets and laughter with.  I’m not saying I never had friends, I did; though typically few and sometimes far between.  I always felt different from everyone but I didn’t know why or understand why I was so emotional.  It wasn’t until my senior year of high school that things got so bad I told my parents I needed help.  And then I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder.  So finally I knew what was different about me and I realized I always had this disease and it did make me act (or react) differently to things than my peers.  Knowing was not the answer though, I was still struggling tremendously internally.

I took things people would say or do far too personally and I would react dramatically, making it much more difficult to maintain friendships.  High school was mostly awful, even though my photo albums would make one think otherwise.  Of course I put happy, smiling pictures in my photo albums, who takes pictures of the bad times?  I had one friend from high school in particular that I thought was my forever friend.  We were there for each other through break-ups, frenemies, her parents divorce, we went on vacations together, admitted our deepest and darkest secrets to each other, and had personal jokes nobody else understood.  Even when I went far away for college we remained close through the internet and chatting on the phone, always re-uniting on holiday breaks.  It wasn’t until after college graduation, and my moving home, that things took a turn for the worse.  I was the most depressed I have ever been in my life, terminally sad and hopeless.   I guess I leaned on her too much, she called me one day and told me she could no longer be there for me, that my depression was too much.  Talk about a slap to the face!  This is exactly what I was referring to when I said people hit the road when the going gets tough.  I understand I was difficult to be friends with at that time, I was so lost inside my head, but her and I had been through so much.  This wasn’t my first episode of major depression (though it was the worst) and she had been there through all of the ups and downs before.  I still mourn the loss of that friendship, or what I thought it was anyway.

Most of the “friends” I had from high school or college drifted (or ran full speed) away from me during that time in my life.  I had to learn time and time again that no matter how many times someone says they will be there forever, it is rarely true.  So, if you really do have a forever friend be sure to nurture the relationship and cherish it!

There is one friend in my life who has been there and stood by me since we were 15 years old.  I celebrated her in my post A Tribute, which highlights how freakin amazing she is!  Here is a little blurb from that post:

“Jackie has taught me many important lessons, most importantly, what true friendship means. It means you never give up on one another.  You encourage, inspire and support each other in all endeavors.  You get into petty fights, and some not-so-petty fights, yet always get past them.  You laugh together, often; and you cry together, no matter how often that may be.  You are brutally honest, because even when it hurts, honesty IS the best policy.  Nothing is off-limits for discussion, nothing.  And, you always know in your heart, even when nobody seems to understand what you’re going through, that someone loves you and will listen to you.”

THAT is a forever friend.

Thanks to Laxman Prajapati for inspiring this post! And a BIG thanks to Jackie for being a forever friend!

I hope you all had a beautiful weekend!  I’d love to hear your thoughts on forever friends!

xoxo

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22 thoughts on “Forever Friends

  1. I’ve moved around a lot and done my fair share of pushing people away. Maintaining strong friendships has always been a bit of a weakness for me – there are many people who I keep in touch with online, but when it comes to needing love and support in the “real world”, I often find it difficult to ask. To be honest, the only person I consider my “forever friend” is my husband.
    BTW, happy to see you recovering from the accident. Give yourself time to heal – the creative juices will start flowing then you are ready for them. =)

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  2. You and I are a lot alike. This post is amazing. For someone so sensitive and dealing with so much inside, it’s always been hard for me to find and keep friends. A lot of people don’t understand the many emotions swirling inside that we can’t seem to control, but out of all the stones, there will be a few gems who will always be there for us. I’m sorry you had to lose that friend of yours, but Jackie sounds great.

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  3. Hi Abi
    I can empathise with you on tough times. When you’re in the middle of them it’s so difficult to pull yourself in the right direction. I had tough times as a kid.
    One thing I learned through the years was that if you picked at a spot, it didn’t heal; it could scar. The same holds true for how you feel. I’ve striven to avoid circumstances that might lead me to reflect on bad stuff and focused on where I could make things better. So I’ve taken up hobbies like writing. Writing isn’t for everyone and I guess each of us will have a unique way to circumvent troubles. What matters is not that you follow someone’s prescription, but you figure a way that works for you.
    I wish you well.

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    • What a thoughtful comment, thank you so much! It’s true, everyone deals with “tough stuff” in different ways and writing is very cathartic for me. It helps me get things out of my head, which makes me feel better, and if others can relate that’s a huge bonus!

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  4. When we go through trauma our minds and bodies deal in ways they need to – to heal. You’re so very lucky to have true friends. They help us move when our feet don’t seem to work. I have a feeling when you are fully ready to create – you’ll find new inspiration you didn’t know was just hovering above. Again, I hope you’re healing well.
    AnnMarie

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  5. I love your view on this. I used to be disappointed by friends too. I have lost and gained many in my life. I used to think friends are supposed to be like family. Then once when my best friend/boyfriend left me (because I too was very ill with depression), my father told me that it’s ok, he will always be my best forever friend. This was a revelation to me the difference between friends and family. A few months ago, one of my best friends let me down so badly that I couldn’t get over my disappointment. My husband told me that the only reason she fell off the BFF pedestal is because I put her up there in the first place. It’s so true. I think sometimes we love our friends so much we don’t see their flaws until crunch time then we feel like we’ve been deceived! I have learnt to see and accept them as they are, and know who are there for the good times, and who are there for the long times!! 🙂
    Thank you also for dropping by my blog.

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  6. I really connected with your description of school being so hard because of how depression led you to reacting what happened, in a different way to those around you. That is very much like my own story and while I have acknowledged that I was probably suffering depression through my early schooling, I’ve never considered it as succinctly as you put it. Thankyou.

    On friendships, having the start in life that I did, there has been little experience making and keeping good friends. I always considered myself naïve in the ways of the world and relationships. But these days I am blessed with two great, male and female, who are hopefully forever friends. One is a school friend of 25 years ago who reconnected when he moved back from overseas. The other is a friend of only 2 years with who I connected after sharing our personal relationship dramas. Ultimately we are all brought together through our love of everything geeky.

    The significance is that these closest parts of your life can come from anywhere. I don’t know if it’s about common mindsets, shared interests, or just something inside that clicks despite differences. And while I would do anything in my power to maintain those friendships, I am aware that life changes and people may have different needs in the future. I would just hope, like yourself, that strong connections and real connections will stay bound no matter what comes along.
    Peter

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    • I am so glad you were able to connect with my writing, there is no greater compliment. Though I’m sorry to hear you had similar experiences growing up as I did, for I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone. It is a lonely and confusing way to learn the ways of the world, and often times hurtful. As far as finding friends you connect with, I think it’s a combination of the things you mentioned; common mindsets, shared interests, or just that “click” despite differences. I am glad you have found a few people with whom you are comfortable and happy, it makes such a big difference in life! Thank you for your thoughtful comment, best wishes!

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  7. Through my journey with depression I have lost so many friends… not from their doing but my own. I have lost touch with most of my friends are now making the effort again to get back out there and reconnect. The toughest thing in having depression was not really having anyone to talk to about it. The one person I have been able to talk to is my wife… perhaps she is indeed my forever friend. She certainly is living up to her vows of sticking by me in sickness or in health… I guess we didn’t imagine the scenario of mental health.

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    • Trying to build and maintain friendships when you suffer from depression is challenging, to say the least. Not feeling like you have someone to talk to makes it even worse. I’m so glad you have your wife by your side, she sounds like a wonderful forever friend!

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  8. Thank you for having the courage to write this post. I shared a very similar childhood to yours, but wasn’t diagnosed until my early 20’s. I didn’t have parents to turn to, as they were part of the problem. I sought help once I had my own child, as I didn’t want her to suffer as I did. Twenty odd years later, I am a much happier, and mostly healthier person.

    I do still struggle with friendships however, and have recently just ended one of my longest lasting female friendships. Suffice it to say that it wasn’t a healthy one. It really does hurt though, and I continue to grieve the loss of what I thought it would be in our middle years. I’m blessed to have a husband who is my best friend, and two male friends who have both been in my life for over 30 years (they are family now, lol).

    I hope that you are recovering emotionally and physically from your accident (it must have been terrifying), and I look forward to more of your insightful and expressive posts.

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    • I’m sorry you went through it too, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. But I am glad you were able to find your way through. Friendships are so hard, but it sounds like you have a good support system now! Thank you for reading, and for your thoughtful comment 😊

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