Today was a perfect example of why I am doing the Silver Linings project.
The first eight days were relatively good days, which basically means I didn’t cry. And hell, I had an epiphany just yesterday! Yet I woke this morning with a heavy heart. All it takes is one tiny grain of a negative thought, which then snowballs into a darkness that is consuming.
Maintaining mental health stability is like a game of Russian roulette. I take my medications as prescribed, I see my psychiatrist regularly, I do things to actively keep the negativity out (i.e. 30 Days of Silver Linings), and still – for no rhyme or reason – I have days like this. I know everyone has bad days. This is more than that. It’s really hard for me to say out loud what goes on in my head because it’s really ugly and I don’t want to be that person. I become this bitter, jealous, self-loathing monster that does not want to live anymore, that is too tired to keep fighting for herself. And that is not who I am.
If any of this sounds familiar to you, here’s my advice: Seek Help
My silver lining? Not only did I seek help, I was able to see my therapist this afternoon on a moment’s notice. Doesn’t always work that way, but the fact that it worked that way today – that’s something to be grateful for. And I am grateful.
Sometimes, the only thing you can do is get up, get dressed, show up, and make a vow to yourself to never give up.
Thanks for dropping by, your support means the world to me.
*Wondering what this is all about? Start at the beginning >>>HERE<<<