Silver Linings Day 9

Today was a perfect example of why I am doing the Silver Linings project.

The first eight days were relatively good days, which basically means I didn’t cry.  And hell, I had an epiphany just yesterday!  Yet I woke this morning with a heavy heart.  All it takes is one tiny grain of a negative thought, which then snowballs into a darkness that is consuming.

Maintaining mental health stability is like a game of Russian roulette.  I take my medications as prescribed, I see my psychiatrist regularly, I do things to actively keep the negativity out (i.e. 30 Days of Silver Linings), and still – for no rhyme or reason – I have days like this.  I know everyone has bad days.  This is more than that.  It’s really hard for me to say out loud what goes on in my head because it’s really ugly and I don’t want to be that person.  I become this bitter, jealous, self-loathing monster that does not want to live anymore, that is too tired to keep fighting for herself.  And that is not who I am.

If any of this sounds familiar to you, here’s my advice: Seek Help

My silver lining? Not only did I seek help, I was able to see my therapist this afternoon on a moment’s notice.  Doesn’t always work that way, but the fact that it worked that way today – that’s something to be grateful for.  And I am grateful.

Sometimes, the only thing you can do is get up, get dressed, show up, and make a vow to yourself to never give up.

Thanks for dropping by, your support means the world to me.

XOXO

*Wondering what this is all about?  Start at the beginning >>>HERE<<<

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